Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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