I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
