does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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