Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
