I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
