I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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