it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
