why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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