I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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