Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
