worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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