Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
