Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
