remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
