I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Enjoy the penises
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
