Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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