It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
