i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry about my life...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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