Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
