Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What drink are we having for lunch?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
