just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
