Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
