if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
