Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
