True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
