And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
