she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
