I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
