she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
