Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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