my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
