The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
