I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
