I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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