I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
