Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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