a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
