he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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