It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
