I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
