Me. At least after what I've been through.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
