the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
