As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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