That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We left an ass print on the piano.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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