for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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