Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
