Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
