I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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