Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
