You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
